I guess the most important thing that has finally happened this year for me is making that final step to leaving behind people, things and beliefs that no longer serve me. I had a dream two or three weeks ago where I felt responsible for an ex boyfriend (BK). I felt responsible about being a good friend or girlfriend. I said it out loud and it manifested into a dream that made me realize that I need to move forward.
First scene in this dream, I was getting into trouble listening to people. People told me what to buy at this museum shop. I got so side tracked in this dream, that I was being accused for buying too much. Then I got into trouble and received punishment. I later dreamed that I was driving up a hill. I was able to look behind me and look below the hill and asked myself ways to drive back down. I even saw that there was no way to actually drive back down. There were Do Not Enter signs as if I was not suppose drive in that direction.
FRIENDSHIPS AND RELATIONSHIPS
This dream was meant for me to move on forward with my life. I use to listen to people long ago in my past and tell me what is right and what is wrong. I depended on many things to tell me what is good for me. My Ex (BK) even told me how I should believe in God, read the bible and the right way to live my life. I realize now that it is not just him doing this to me. For many years, some people around me have influenced my life decisions. I remember doing things for my friends in high school like going to a debutante rehearsal that would take till 10pm and cause my parents to think I am out doing drugs. I remember listening to my friends that they will borrow my car and then never returning it until after 2 hours later. This was what my dream was telling me. I continue to believe others and they will ruin my life. Then a part of my dream I am on a hill looking back. I am actually great where I am standing now.
I don’t need to go down that path and walk backwards anymore. I am a different person than I was in 2008. I experience God with my heart. Knowing what is right and what is wrong. BK tells me not to listen to my voice and listen to God. If you hear a sound of a voice that does not sound like yours, it is definitely not God. God flows within me and I know the voice of God. I think there are a lot of people that will disagree with me. It is just a knowing. I just know when I am listening to God. It is my voice within me, but I can tell the difference between my own ego and the highest truth. I know. It resonates within me. I can tell. That is why I been practicing for the last three years how to decipher the voice between mine and God. It is a knowing. A natural thing that Ive always knew for a very long time. I just never had the way to put words in it.
To the reader who is reading this blog entry. Do not think that I am influencing you to believe the way I do. I can only make you think. I don’t expect the reader to say, “Ok Grace is right.” No that is not my purpose. I want you to read this entry and think about yourself. Ask yourself questions if any of this resonates within you. Can you relate? I don’t want to give the wrong idea. I think my ex BK thinks I expect him to change or believe the way I do. When I share him my thoughts, I am sharing something that is personal. That is why it was important for me to share these thoughts. I don’t tell everyone my thoughts. My thoughts are important to me and to share them with someone, you think that person share it with will have gratitude that you have shared your inner most ideas/thoughts. Because I do not share it with just anyone. BK just assumes that I am expecting a change. Which I am not expecting a change. I am expecting that he looks within. I expect him to actually ask himself if this resonates for him. To start asking questions that might be a possibility that he can relate to it or not. Instead he continues to believe I am being dogmatic and forcing my beliefs on him.
You must understand that when I share these thoughts or experiences, I am sharing it because maybe you or others can relate and not feel alone. But some people get triggered by them. Now I really got to think long and hard about this. With ThetaHealing training, when someone is triggered, it is because they find something about it that makes them cringe. In turn, there might be something within them that doesnt sit well. For example (not neccessarily true), I like dogs but BK hates them. He gets annoyed at it and becomes uncomfortable by it. I wonder or ask, “Why? Why is it uncomfortable or annoying for you.” It could mean a million things. Lets hypothetically say he doesnt like dogs because he was bitten by one. So he has a trauma about dogs. Do you see where I am coming from? There might be something beyond this trigger.
I was actually able to see how much I have changed when BK was uncomfortable about something that has happened to him. He had to ask me this question, “Why do you not ask if I did it or not?” It was relating to something that he was being punished for. Well number one, I can only take his word for it because I consider myself as a friend/gf. I expect him to tell me the truth. I can only say the truth is what I know. So he is squirming…telling me that it was important for him to know my stand if he did the deviant act or not. First of all, I can see with my own eyes and the words that came out of his mouth. Yes, as a ThetaHealer, you train yourself to do this. You can hear the triggers and you can detect the lying too.
Wow…I never thought that this was going to come in handy. I thought maybe I never knew that full potential, but it’s really good to use and its actually common sense. I think everyone can do it. You just have to train yourself to be able to hear your own too. Once you can spot out your own triggers or negative manifestation of words or thoughts, YOU can pretty much hear and see others and their triggers.
So BK, in a year you might be able to read this blog entry. When you do, I hope that you are not upset or terrified by what I just wrote about you. I am just venting. I dont care what people think or their opinions of what I just wrote. I only know from my own experience. Others cannot influence me anymore. I can only use my heart to understand and make the right decisions.