REALIZATION

I was told twp months ago that I was a psychic and medium.  I actually already knew everyone was psychic. Some are just a little more skillful than others and as I mentioned before people there are some who just ignore it.   I believe everyone is gifted and has the ability.  It is the free will that we choose to believe it or not.

Well I never saw myself as a medium.  That’s because when I was a child, I have encountered many experiences that were unpleasant at the time in my perspective.  It was terrifying for me at the time.  I never spoke to anyone about it expect for a few friends who would not judge me and just listened.  Even then I was not even sure if they believed me or not.  That is beside the point though because they were good friends to not ridicule me and just listened.

I do remember being always encountered with all kinds of entities, but I always would either experience something that was terrifying for me at the time OR come with an interesting story.  I recall saying out loud one day to my Grandmother who passed away that I didn’t want to communicate in a way I would have to experience something frightful. From that day on, “MOST” things came to me in dreams.  I would see family that had passed through my dreams.

CONTACT

So majority of the time they contact me through dreams.  How do I know that?  Well I have to say majority of my family that had passed contact me through dreams.  I have never deciphered yet when I get chills, a brush against my arm or a static above my head.   But in dreams, I see them clearly and communicate better.   Honestly  when I see them in my dreams, I wake up saying, OK I saw Grandma in my dream last night and spoke to her.  Cool!  Yes that is all I do.

So when a psychic/medium tells me that I am a medium, I was a bit skeptic on the part about being a medium.  I was a little afraid to accept it.  I said, “Me?  No ways!  I dont like that!”  Why I don’t like it?  I dont like it because I remember sleep walking and aware what I was doing.  It’s like…being aware and I am still in my body but there was some kind of room for that entity to move me around. Like showing me something.  I remember when that happened, I came back to my cousin at night and told him, “HELP ME. HELP ME.”  Yes how odd that was to have been doing that.  I still look back on this day and think how scary that was.

MY RULES

Bottom line, I know mediumship exists.  I know quite a few people growing up who have done that and it is a open thing that I know is real.  I just never thought it would be real for me.   I just dont want to channel.  I dont want to channel because I guess I have that fear of not being able to return to the body.  You see that is a belief though.  I also don’t like the idea of something violating my body that way.  I also remember when family or friends that have died, I always made ground rules. This happened years ago.  I remember saying to not surprise me or scare me. I said to communicate with me in a way where I dont need to freak out.

I have forgotten those ground rules that I made.

WHAT DID I REALIZE?

I realized that after watching this video of a man talking about mediumship, I realized I AM A MEDIUM.  Not the full on mediums that I normally know.  He showed a diagram what happens when he does it.  There is a spirit guide and a spirit/entity that tries to communicate.  He showed two kinds of diagrams.  One where the spirit guide is the mediator like the spirit guide talks to you and you talk back and the spirit guide talks back at the entity/spirit.  But that is one scenario, then he showed a diagram of a spirit/entity, you and the spirit guide. It’s kind of like a referree.  When he showed those diagrams, I was thinking, “OH MY.  I do that a lot inside my dreams.”  I remember doing this a lot with a lot of passing relatives.    I just realized TODAY that I am a medium.

I think I do some form of mediumship but in a conforming kind of way. Haha.  I remember I made the ground rules years ago.  My spirit guide knows what I can handle.  Im amazed.  This is what I needed to learn.  This is what I have been waiting for in the past few days.  Look at my previous blogs.  I heard the voice, “Let her sleep. She will learn.”

Now that I know the link and truth.  I can now contemplate if I want to continue this way of communicating or change it.  What a magical day it is!

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DREAM

I was dreaming about being at a talent show.  It felt like I was trying to compete for the award.  Nothing spectacular. Just felt like trying my best to impress judges that I cannot see.  Not even sure what I was doing. I think I was showing some techniques in martial arts.  Like a stunt woman.

AM I SELFISH?

Maybe I am triggered.  Not sure if I am.  Maybe a little bit I am triggered.  I guess if I am triggered, I need to look within myself and ask, “What I don’t like about that person, could I be doing this to people too?”  Well you know this is the trigger…..

I don’t think I go around asking people to look or scan into my house to look if there are spirits or ghosts.  Why?  Because I already know they are there. Hehe.   I use to just ignore.

I just realized the reason I get triggered.  It is because the person that is asking claims to be very gifted and psychic or at least learning to be.  I think I expect him to try his best to learn.  To try it first for himself and then if all fails, then ask me.  I guess I shouldn’t be like this.  But to learn is to try to do it for yourself.

But right now, I am trying to connect with the guide that stands to my left side in my dreams.  That is my only focus at this moment in time.    I sometimes forget the focus and then that entity just guides me in a dream or talks while I just listen.

But now I know why other Mediums find it not interesting to talk about this subject a lot.  I guess cause it can feel kinda draining and it can be repetitive.  Perhaps it’s like normal for them, yet they have to try to explain it. Some may just openly love talking about it.

I think the guides are just communicating with me with what my heart feels okay for me.  Maybe I will freak out if I heard the voice very loud.  Perhaps I need to really work on myself.

Maybe that is why I hear them talking when I am asleep. But see when I am asleep, a part of me cannot speak back.  I dont know why.  I can only hear or feel.  THe last time I heard the speaking was, “Let her sleep. She will learn.”

MONDAY MONDAY

It’s Monday. I like to keep my post different from my dreams so that I can write i any translations or contemplate.  But weekend is over and today is now Monday.  A few things happened last weekend,  it was SS birthday yesterday.  It was an intimate gathering with immediate family.  We had canton style noodles (traditional in our family. Symbolizes long life.), korean bbq short ribs, salad, ahi poke, fresh cuttle fish, and more.  Oreo ice cream cake…was delicious.

Later on in the day I was just messing around in google and typed out my old club name back in college.  You see back in college, I help started a club.  It was a club that really taught me a lot of things and also gave me the confidence to be comfortable under my own skin.  But in the search engine, I found our old web site that was created back in 1998.  I was surprised.  Reading through the web site, I saw that I was not too bad designing it. Today I dont do web design that way anymore and wow I have come a long way.  But to see the pages of our constitution, the board, our committees, our accomplishments and the way we tried to put our group together…it made me see how amazing we were as a group.

A lot that we put into this group is the result of the person I am today.  I know how to do my researches better and also looking at the world differently.

This group taught me how to break down the barriers between cultures. Finding the common bond.  Also helping our community.

I will be transferring that old web site content into the brand new one because according to the old hosting, they will be shutting down free services and the web site will be shutting down.  Oh well.  I need to get cracking and start moving it.