THINGS I DIDN’T POST BECAUSE I WAS SCARED

Okay so I was talking to a friend of mine about some experiences that I have had that I did not blog because I was too afraid at the time to even bother to log them in.  But now that it has passed and I am more in a sense kind of learning to live with it.  It is no longer a surprise to me when I experience certain things.  I was I guess a believer in denial before?

How do I explain that?

Well imagine knowing that you are an intuitive.  I know it, but I was experiencing things that were kind of not startling and it was always safe.  I had mediumship dreams and also meditated.  Once in a great while….sporadically….random….I would get experiences that were startling like orbs, smoke that appears out of thin air, etc etc.  NOW THAT WAS ONCE IN A GREAT WHILE.  Noises….shadows….etc etc.  ONCE IN A GREAT WHILE.

But I did this thing with Creator where I had a belief change.

BOY! OH BOY!

I did not ask Creator to reverse it because I learned how to manage it.  It is kind of startling and scarey sometimes.  But in time I learned to live with it.

1.  I remember one morning walking into the kitchen and I was looking through envelopes of mail that were laying on the breakfast table.  As I was doing this, I felt something move at the top right side of my head.  It felt as if something was scambling inside my hair.  Nudging it…over and over again.  There is a mirror in my kitchen near the breakfast table and I did not see a fly, insect in my hair.  It just kept moving.  I slapped my head in that area as if I was annoyed.  First thing on my mind was, “Is that a FLEA? INSECT? or possibly I have lice?”

2. I think I made a separate post.  I saw a white smoke out of nowhere manifested in the air inside my bedroom.  It came through the wall and into the room.  It flew towards my closet.

3.  I was sleeping and I was in between sleep and awake.  I heard lots of sounds from all over the place.  There is a sound that sounds electric and static.  It also had a faint bell sound inside of it.  Suddenly….a knowing of myself said to pay attention to my own body.  If I had not done this, I wouldve been out of control.  But the moment I was in control, I started to feel that energy touch my left cheek.  As if it was trying to shock my head or my face.  Who knows! But it felt like it was pushing against my face.  Because I was aware of what was happening, I said to Creator, “HELP ME CREATOR PLEASE>”  I couldnt open my eyes or mouth.  In my head I was able to say this.  The moment I said that, I felt the energy pull away.   I opened my eyes, and stood right up and I cleansed the entire house with Creator.  It was very startling.

4.  In the same week after the number 3 incident, I was talking to my friend Derek on the phone.  We were having long conversations about spirituality.  I was laying on my bed.  It was approximately 1am in the morning.  I started to hear this flapping/buzzing sound flying by my left ear.  It kept on coming and go.  Like how a bird flies right beside you or a fly.  But it did not quite sound like a fly or insect.  It was an unusual sound that I cannot describe.  There is no physical creature I know that makes that kind of sound.  But I was able to hear the sound come and go. Closer and farther.  I tried to ignore the sound but It was trying to get my attention.  Then later still sitting on the bed, I could feel my toes starting to feel this numbness trying to travel from toes into my feet.  As soon as I felt that, I said, “STAND BACK! Dont do it!”  I was talking to the air near my feet.  Then it pulled back.  Then it did it again.  I said, “Stop it.  Stand back!”  Then it pulled away again.  We did this for about three or four times.  At this point, I was now convinced that I was DEFINITELY INTUITIVE.  I cannot deny it at all even if I tried to.

These things do exist.  They are no longer story book characters or something I can hear from a person tell me their story.  THIS IS DEFINITELY MY OWN STORY.  Original and unique.

I needed to log them because I dont know if I will ever remember them ever.  Well they were memorable but at the same time…….I mostly remember the time it happened and the after math of the results.  I WAS IN ANXIETY all the time.  I would sit in the living room with my heart pounding so hard of anxiety.  I was freaking out all the time.  IT WAS NOT VERY GOOD.  I didnt like that feeling.

Now its not a big deal anymore.  Its all because I learned how to rid of them.  Prevention and everything!  it is now all habit.

WHEW…….I am finally okay.

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RITE OF PASSAGE – OF ME

1

I have always been intuitive, but it never became something difficult to handle.  it was natural for me and I always thought the people around me were living with the same knowing.  I had a lot of magical experiences as a child. It was like normal and I never questioned it.

I guess when you are a teenager, you want self acceptance from friends at school.  Figuring out where you fit in and who you are.    I guess they say that when you stop yourself from becoming who you are, sometimes it pops out at you reminding you that it really exists.  I guess at that age at 15 I just wanted to completely ignore it.

I had a lot going on when I was 13 years old until I was 16 years old.  My whole life completely changed when I turned 16.

BEFORE

When I was 12 years old, I had to follow my parents to move from Hawaii to California.  That was very painful for me.  At twelve, I was already established with the friends I grew up with.  Familiar faces of people knew my name was very comforting and I just was not use to being out of my comfort zone.  Once our house was sold, everything moved so quickly to finally move to California.  It’s not that California was unfamiliar.  I visited relatives time to time once every other year and I enjoyed the sights and the new things to do.  But the thought of moving out to California was like pulling out a person out of their place of comfort.  So after moving into my new California home, I was sleeping on a couch in my Aunt’s home in the summer of June.  Now that I am older and think about this time, I think my parents could have made the transition easier.  This was a lot of stress.  I recall sleeping on my Aunt’s couch in a 3 bedroom one level home.   We practically lived this way for about a year.  Eventually my parents bought my Aunt’s home and I continued to live in the area until I was 17 years old.

collective-consciousnessIn these years of living here till I was 17, I was only able to visit Hawaii one time.  These years I have been struggling with trying to fit in and also trying to also work out these adolescent issues.  The city I lived in was called LITTLE LOS ANGELES (San Jose, CA).  The city literally had that nickname.  It was very superficial and the energy is fast paced.  Being my ethnic background, we were stereotyped as materialistic people.  We were known for the modified imported Japanese cars and dressing in name brand clothing.  We were stereo type to buy expensive things.  Living in this town and trying to fit in was a very difficult.  The people in my ethnic group were the cool Asians.  I was there in school trying to figure out if I want that or not.    Do I want to be friends with those people?  or am I just comfortable just going to class, come home and study to get straight As.  It was this way for a year.  A year I studied and studied for straight As.  I was very susccessful and it worked out great.  I was in the honor roll classes, my friends were all studious geniuses.  We all had goals in becoming leaders of tomorrow.  At the time, I was planning to become a Physician.  Didnt know yet what…but that was my passion at the time.

3I was then approached by a person to take personal development classes to improve my presentation as a person.  To be more assertive, articulate, developing a professional character, charisma, and being physically appealing.  Basically to become the IDEAL LEADER.  My parents spent tons of money for me to be this way.

Along the way I ended up trying new things while maintaining my HONOR ROLL status in school.  Ive taken drama and acting classes for movies and television.  I also did local modeling and acting.  I even got a talent/modeling agent.  I was doing little projects here and there.  I even auditioned for some commercials and movie roles.

I recall auditioning for a role in the movie PICTURE BRIDE. It was for the role of the younger sister of the main character.  That will be a whole different story and Ill write it again later in a different blog post.

I joined the choir and sang on stage.

I was also a cheerleader at my high school.  I remember the football games, the rallys and the basketball game.  I had lots of fun.

hapinessI started to make friends in these years, I also became the typical spoiled teenager.  I wanted to fit in with the typical things MOST teens wanted at the time.  To be liked by their peers.  To look physically appealing or beautiful.  To be all across the board doing well in everything that you can.  I still maintained my grades and stayed as an Honor Roll student.  My goals for becoming a Physician was still on the list of goals to go after.  Spoiled teenager?  Why?  If you want to be with the COOL ASIANs at school,  you also dressed from head to toe like the kids at 90210.  You had a car also that was at least nice to look at.  My parents wanted so much to no longer think of going back to Hawaii, that they did everything they could to feed into my NEED of trying to fit into this “Grace made up” CALIFORNIA lifestyle.

There is another part of me that I kept ignoring all those years.  I was intuitive.  Being intuitive, I knew the magnifying understanding of right and wrong too.  I knew it existed within me, but I ignored it because there was no need to be intuitive at all.   But when I started to see that the REAL ME was speaking to me in visions and words that THIS IS NOT THE GRACE you suppose to be.

I knew that the issue of trying to stay popular in school was not important.  I was reminded that I didn’t need that.  HOW?  I recall seeing a lot of people in my group of friends backstabbing each other.  People using each other and also people making fun of others.  Just messages coming through reminding me that these are all wrong and I knew it.  I just never cared to stop and say, “Yeah its wrong. I should make a change in my life.”  I didnt do that.  I ignored it and as the years go by………all of these things magnified to the point where I just did not want to participate in anything.

nativeamericanMAGNIFIED

When I meant magnified, I was given signs of my clairvoyance and claireaudient skills.  Being shown how everything that I thought was important was not a good fit for me.

I started seeing and hearing things.  Did I need mental health medical attention?  My parents thought I was taking drugs.  I was not taking drugs at all.  Schizophrenia?  Mild case of it? I dont know.

What did I see? I was getting a lot of mediumship dreaming.  Entities were telling me stories about how they died.  They were so vivid and real, I could even smell and feel the pain.  I could also feel the objects that were associated to their deaths.  I also spoken to benevolent entities that try to tell me who I am and what I should be doing.  I even got memories being recalled again of the time before I was born.  Yes, I sound psycho right now. But who cares what you think!

DREAMI was forced to just drop everything. Start from scratch and clean the slate.

How did I clean the slate?

I went back to Hawaii for my senior year at seventeen years old.  Went to the nearest high school in the same community I grew up in.  Spent the entire year with classmates I left behind when I was twelve.  It’s as if I picked up where I left off except I was now in control.  I get to choose how I want to live my life.

It was the beginning of becoming a real woman.