Lately my dreams or sleeping are very fragmented. It feels like Im fighting with my subconscious mind. It doesnt seem like night mares but it feels like my subconscious is not agreeing with some of the things happening inside my head.
Last night I dont’ remember every detail of my dream but I recall hanging out with a guy. To me he was sort of just there but didnt recall a face. It didnt feel like someone I know right now in my life. But we appeared as friends. As I had a conversation with my mother in this dream, she asks me why don’t I pursue a relationship with this man. I simply answered her, “No. I will never get married. I dont want to.”
This dream is literally telling me what is happening in my subconscious. I have been in my waking world accepting the idea of someday getting married. Accepting the idea that I will grow old with a soul mate. My subconscious mind has been arguing with me. Its time to let those beliefs go away.
Here is the thing, in this waking world, I have surrendered to the idea that I didn’t mind getting married someday. Years ago I have said it so many times that I will never get married, I think my subconscious has absorbed to it and replays it in my head over and over again.
I decided that I will work on those beliefs. I have been thinking that I have been closing the door on relationships. I have cringed for years about even starting one. Even though I have had a few relationships, I found myself finding the wrong person. It’s been only two weeks that I have worked on beliefs that are regarding around my reproductive system. Im amazed that some people from my past have actually felt guilty about the past and how it ended our relationship. They call me and they tell me how much they felt guilty and bad. Then it follows by me remember old hurtful feelings. I realized that it is time to let those go.
My goal this week before school starts is to help clear whatever needs to be cleared when it comes to relationships. I am open to getting married someday. I am also open to the idea of finding my true soul mate. I use to cringe to the idea but if I continue to cringe, I think it will manifest into something I really do not like. So I might as well work with what I got and stay as positve as I can.