It was a challenging time falling asleep last night.  It could mean a number of things. I ate about two hours before bedtime. I drank caffeine. Paranoid because of dream the other night (snake squeezing my right arm) Well … Continue reading


I have been battling a belief that I reran for years and now I don’t even have a need to replay it again.  It it is those thoughts of how I use to look at person as a hero, a person that all the qualities that I thought were almost like the ideal and who actually knew exactly who I am.


When you find this person, you suddenly believe they are the love of your life.  You also go through the motions of thinking that you could never find anyone as better than he is.   I had to actually go to within myself and dig all of the beliefs surrounding this person.


Number one I realize that I am a great transmitter.  I think I have exercised it very well growing up and enhanced it.  I think everyone has enhanced a piece of themselves in different areas.  The one thing I know that is enhanced for myself is being a great transmitter.  I think at the time when I had my first boyfriend, I notice he was able to finish my sentences or actually knew exactly what I wanted without talking.  This made me believe that he must be the one for me.  I started to notice a pattern with many relationships that most of them were able to finish my sentences and knew exactly what I was feeling.  Some were very intuitive with me and had LITERAL telepathic dreams with me and also could literally finish my sentences.

I later realize that each and every single one of them I had though they were the love of my life because they were intuitive with me.   I later realize that of course everyone is intuitive and some stronger than others.  I also realize now that I am a great transmitter because they were able to hear/feel me.

Now my view about relationships are no longer based on the fact that they are possibly the love of my life.  I need to look beyond that.


Right now my love life is on hold right now.  I am actually in school trying to finish up a degree.  I never put much thought about relationships when I started the program, but as I go through the motions of studying and going to class….I later realize that there is no room to be in a relationship at all.  I do have classmates that are happily married and have long term boyfriends/girlfriends.  Which is fine.  But to start one for me at this time, it is not going to work.   The program is way too intense for me and getting an A is like DO or DIE kind of attitude.  It is because if I dont get a good grade, I am just afraid of not finishing the program.  Which is extremely important to me to complete it.


I think I have changed a lot in just a short few months.  I no longer long for that one person who I call my UNICORN.  He is no longer the mystical love one anymore.  I brought him down the pedestal.  I am now remember it and putting it into memory.  Understanding how much I use to really love this man.  I do wish him the best and I now learned that the next one that comes around, I will stop turning them into this UNICORN.  It is just too exhausting for him and for me.


I forgot if that is the name of the book.  Partially this book can be used.  But I wont go as far as to turning a man into a slave.  It is kind of sad to me actually to end up with a person because you manipulated him to stay with you.   I think there should be a give and take.  Plus what kind of man are you with you use everything in that book?  I am not a bitch.  Im only a bitch when there is no justice.  I will give my two cents.  But to manipulate…is not my thing.


  I can only remember bits of this dream. I was walking around the house and suddenly looking down, I would see a snake or two laying between furniture.  I freaked out as I am not really a fan ot … Continue reading